Things I Need To Accept

I tell you what, my shoulders must be pure muscle from the bloody great chips I've been carrying around on them. It's one of my biggest flaws. I remember every negative incident and it's not healthy at all. I need to learn from them then let go.

a picture of a rocky beach and blue sky overlaid with black text reading 'things I need to accept'

Not Fitting In
My biggest idol is probably Freddie Mercury. Known for his big teeth and even bigger stage personality, he certainly didn't blend in with the crowd. The dude had a waistcoat made with his cats' faces on, for goodness sake! He's still adored for his voice, his lyrics, his moves, and his eccentric costumes. Would he be adored if he'd fit in? Not on your nelly. 

My School Experience
You know how in Harry Potter, Sirius Black's ma just burns out his picture from the family portrait? I wish I could do that with every memory of school, from being an 11 year old sobbing in the bathroom every night of the summer holidays before I went, to being a 17 year old sobbing in the car when my A level results basically spelled F A I L U R E. 

I'm always bleating on about how precious memories are, but I don't hold a single good one from that time, and the whole experience fuels a lot of my anxiety even now. It's tricky, because it was a period of my life that played a huge part in forming who I am, but I really, really need to accept it and move on. 

Death
Oh lord, I'm sorry. We've gone from Freddie's fabulous flair to gravesides and grief in 60 seconds. Death is another of my anxiety's favourite foods, and while it physically hurts to even type it, my biggest, hugest fear is of my loved ones dying. I've seen it happen a few times, and, chances are, it will happen again. That's what I need to accept.


You can definitely see a running theme here, I'm holding on to a lot of things that hold me back, feed my fears, and inflate my insecurities. It might not happen overnight, but I acknowledge that I need to accept what I cannot change and be a better person for it. 

What do you need to accept?

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3 comments

  1. Oh Lyd, I feel for you. You're doing well at being so positive, though. Proud of you

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  2. I can relate to the last point lots, this used to be my biggest fear. I would get so, so upset. For me it was coming back to the present moment and thinking everyone is fine “now” and I just kept replaying that in my mind for over a year, sometimes It didn’t work but over time it did and now whenever I feel these thoughts creeping in. I just think the truth that everyone is fine now. There are two types of worries ones we can do something about and ones we can’t. We can’t do anything about the future so for our own sanity we need to try and work towards letting it not consume to much of our time. Easier said than done, and you have been through so much lately it is natural for you to be feeling these thoughts, so don’t be so hard on your lovely self. Xxz

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  3. I was bullied right through school, not a day went by when I didn't come home holding back tears or locking myself away. I would spend summer holidays trying to change myself into something the bullies would leave alone but September would come and it would all start again. It took me years to learn to let it all go. It happened, it was shit, but it's done now. It's made me a stronger person in the long run and more confident as I would never take that shit now!

    Long story short, you have to leave it in the past and move forward or the bullies still win, and fuck that!

    Sarah :)
    Saloca in Wonderland

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