I'm Not Your Friend

This is quite a grumpy, serious post for such a new blog, but I just had to get it out there! I really hope it doesn't make me sound like a horrible cow. I'm actually quite nice, but we all have our limits! 

When I was at university, I was very lonely, and so I found YouTube, and in particular, a girl who lived in the same region as me. She talked about all the things I liked, she had similar interests to mine, and every video felt like she was speaking to me personally. So I left long comments, praising her and telling her about myself, building what I thought was a friendship. 

After some time, her replies got shorter, then more sporadic, until they fizzled out completely. I was so upset! I couldn't understand why she didn't appreciate all the praise I was giving her or why she didn't want to be friends with someone so in tune with her. I even spoke to family and friends about it, and they advised me to stop watching her. It took a long time, but eventually I had enough of the rudeness, and cut all ties, as it were.


About a fortnight later, a man started to speak to me on Twitter. It started with friendly replies to my tweets, and a few compliments about my videos. It was a little strange because he did not seem interested in beauty or blogging, but there was no threat or malice in his messages. 

He then asked me if he could send me a private message, which I agreed to, and he told me about some family issues. I am not trained or qualified to provide solutions, and I did not know him well enough to offer advice, so I simply gave my condolences. I think this kindness was seen as a chink in my armour, because from that point on the tweets were relentless. Constant updates about his day, things that had no relation to me at all. If I didn't reply, he would send private messages, or write indirect tweets about ignorance. 

It sounds so silly. Even as I read it, I think 'block him!' but I felt bad doing so. He had told me personal things and come to me for help, but I started to dread opening the app and seeing him him him, or posting a video to know he was watching. Finally I realised that at no point had I asked for any of this! Since then, I have had similar experiences but felt no shame in blocking when my boundaries were crossed and strangers became too close for comfort. I am a friendly, kind person, but I am not a counsellor, or a nurse, and no matter how many people my videos reach, it is up to me how many of those become my friends. 

It was then that I realised that I had done almost the same thing to the girl I mentioned at the start. I had taken her 10 minute videos and blogs to mean friendship at a time when I was lonely, taken advantage of her warm personality, and put her in an uncomfortable position. When she eventually cut me off, it really did hurt, but it was a very important lesson for me to learn- both as the audience and as a creator.

 Whether you make content or not, remember: if anyone is making you uncomfortable, it is just as okay to block them online as it is to walk away in real life. 

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13 comments

  1. I definitely understand what you mean! I think it can be easy to cross the line sometimes into putting too much thought into the friendliness of others. I hope someone doesn't over step the mark with you again though!

    Lauren :) x

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  2. Such a great post that i hope will make others think before they bombard youtubers/bloggers with unwanted attention.Of course interaction is wanted and appreciated but there is definitely a line that many people cross.Im so glad you made the decision to block in the end,I experienced this with online gaming some time back and it does get uncomfortable when they become overbearing.I believe you can make online friends but you have to find people on the same page as yourself to avoid this happening x

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  3. This was so interesting to read. I don't think it's bitchy at all either, they took your kindness to mean they could constantly message you and if it makes you uncomfortable you have every right to do what you do. It's great that you have felt it from both sides to, well not great, but you get what I mean. xx

    Kirsty Leanne
    http://www.kirstyleanne.com

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  4. This post is so important!! I think that sometimes people jump into being "best buddies" on the internet far too soon and way quicker than you ever would in real life, which just leads to them getting hurt when it doesn't work out! I've been in exactly the same boat as you before so I know exactly how you felt! These are tough situations but a reality of life online!

    Abbey 💓 www.abbeylouisarose.co.uk

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  5. Such an interesting read. I'm sorry you've had to go through both these experiences. It's an important lesson to learn, you don't have to deal with anything that's making you uncomfortable. I'm sure others reading your post will take something away from the important message you're getting across.

    Sharon x

    rosieloveslife.co.uk

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  6. Nope your not being a cow, if i feel uneasy about someone i always block them whether ive spoken to them or not.

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  7. Lyd this wasn't bitchy at all.

    I think we can forget that whilst we're just tweeting in our rooms or watching a video that the people on the other side are real with thoughts and feelings that aren't necessarily the same as ours no matter how much it may seem it is.

    I think blocking is so important nowadays in a world of social media and it's ok to want to keep yourself private even when sharing loads.

    Bex X

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  8. I didn't find it bitchy, and I think it was a really good discussion showing both sides. Xx

    www.allurelavie.com


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  9. I use my block button religiously, especially on instagram! Some people just take it too far!

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  10. Such a great post, definitely something that people need to read and take into consideration!
    It is completely understandable and natural, I am a super friendly person but I have had it in the past where I have been friends with a work colleague and they are just 24/7 whatsapp or twitter or facebook or ringing because you aren't answering. I explained to them simply that with my anxiety recently, it's all getting a little too much for me as I am a someone that loves my own space. They still didn't get the message, after saying they understood they still carried on..

    So I loved this post and would love to hear more like this! :)
    Sorry for my lost post haha!

    Zoe | nuggetstumpblog.com

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  11. Thank you for this post. I'm fairly new to blogging, and my strongly empathic nature has gotten me into trouble in the past. I'm definitely going to keep things like this in mind as I give advice in my future posts!

    Amber | mylifeinlimbo.com

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  12. I love this post, it can't always be about your audience and the people reading your blogs, you need to be comfortable to begin with to make them and if anyone is ruining that comfort feeling, that needs to be dealt with. Love this xxxx

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  13. Awww hun, this sounds like an awful situation to be in but one I've kind of experienced before. You've gotta do what's best for you, no matter what. Loneliness really sucks and there was a time I'd use twitter to feed me human interaction because I had no friends. That time has passed for me now and one day it will pass for you.
    Ffi | The Essence of Red

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